Sheila

I’m so sorry that has happened, I truly know those feelings you’re describing. The anger at myself, the shame, feeling at a loss at what to do now. I have to believe what others in recovery have said, we are not bad people, but we have a disease that can kill, and definitely destroy your life. I just need to keep finding help, meetings, maybe a c…[Read more]

I completely understand the self-loathing and the feeling of “what the hell happened, I was doing better?!” I think what other people say is true, addiction is progressive, and is waiting for any opportunity to take me back gambling. I want to do it all the time, and I hate it in the same instance. I believe recovery can happen, it has to.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Even reading about a win causes my heartrate to increase. I just recently did the same thing-had a win that could really help financially-but I just kept gambling and now it’s gone. It is so painful to lose. I have to stop, but I know that will mean telling my family about my relapse, and the thought of their ang…[Read more]

There is priceless relief when I can go the day without gambling. Good for you for reaching out for help, it really takes courage.

I think the worst thing that ever happened in my gambling “career”, was a big win seven years ago. That euphoria changed my thinking permanently. I keep thinking I won because my mind cintrolled the machine through sheer willpower. Which is completely contrary to logic, but I have this delusion that I have a superpower to influence the alg…[Read more]

I thought about having a drink earlier (I’m sober), but I didn’t want to spare the cash on anything other than gambling. Which is a unsustainable method of recovery from alcoholism.

That is a big blow. I lost 27000 in a weekend once, and it still really hurts.

I’m sorry things are bad for you. They are pretty bad for me also. I think I have spent every possible cent, but my brain is still racing and scheming on how I can get more money. I feel strung-out. I think I’m more scared by how badly I want to gamble, and I feel kind of crazy.

The worst thing to happen when I gamble, is when I win. My brain is just flooded with a need to win again. The losing feels physically painful. I feel sick. I’ve done the search for every last dollar I can get my hands on, just so I can keep playing. I’m planning on going back today, because I can steal my husbands stash. I do not want the hor…[Read more]

I have done things I never thought I would do, especially shitty things to my family. They don’t know I’ve been binge gambling this year. I go a couple of months, and just poof I am inside the Casino. It happens so fast. It is sickness, mental bullshit.

I’ve done that before. I’ve spent my mortgage payment, this time I maxed out every source of money including stealing my husbands change jar. It is exhausting. I keep chasing my losses. I can’t get it out of my head, that the next bet will pay the big win, and I will be able to pay everything back. But, even if I won, I just can’t leave the Cas…[Read more]