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Hi everybody. I hope you are all doing well in your recovery. I’m not doing well at all. The last six months have been a perfect storm for my life. So much craziness to deal with and everything I have learned about recovery has went out the door. My gambling has taken over and I have lost the only supports I have had to keep me going in a positive direction which my addiction loves. Great excuse to go spend time gambling because you can win. It’s BS I know that but with no one taking care of my money but me it seems logical at the time. The suicidal thoughts are constant now and I don’t have any one to share with. The constant thoughts persist because I’m alone all the time. I’m in a hell that I’ve created for trusting the wrong people and isolating myself. I am posting this because I want everyone to know it’s important to share with the people you are close to, value what they give you as far as support goes and cherish the fact you are cared for. It gets worse if you don’t follow the advice given here, in GA and from councilors. I have no idea how this will work out for me. I am hoping for some guidance from God or something someone says to give me a small glimpse of hope. I have been through a lifetime of depression and shit from this and I’m trying to find a reason to not give up. I hope you all never get to this point.
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Anyone who has struggled with compulsive gambling has been there dan, I know I have. It seems you are struggling coping with all the negative things in your life. Realize gambling might be a good place to escape everything and everyone, but once you run out of money the problems and depression and shame just come front and center. Find something to occupy the time that is productive and more healthy. A hobby always helps. Try not to isolate so much, it is good to find support any where you can, it helps, reminds you your not alone. Keep your head up, you can be a better version of yourself, but you have to want to be. Keep fighting.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. Everything you said is spot on . I appreciate you 🙏
I am trying to get out of the isolation. This morning my roommate needed to make a few deliveries for his business and asked if I would go along. I would have said no most of the time and isolated in my room but today I said ok because I do know I need to get active in order to stop the negative thoughts. It worked . It was a good day for me. 😊
Thats great Dan. You are stronger than you think. You can do this. When I read your post I read that you undertand the position you are in. You understand your actions habe consequences and you undertand you need to change. That my friend is what you need to bring those changes about. I believe you are capable.
Thank you 🙏
Glad you had a good day. And it’s good you went on the field trip. Keeping your mind on something else always helps. Skipped my ga meeting tonight but the fish were biting a little after work. Hope you have another good day tomorrow