Connecticut Lady
I’m a recovered compulsive gambler and I placed my last bet on Sept 23rd 2009. I am also a recovered alcoholic and my dry date is November 6th 2009. I grew up gambling with my family, mostly cards and the occasional trip to the track and it was a blast, I had loads of fun a knew gambling was something I was always going to do. When I turned 18 and was legal to gamble anywhere in ontario my gambling really took off, first at the off track, than sports betting and then card tables and slots ……to be honest just, I’d bet on just about anything. To make it really clear, none of what I just wrote makes me a compulsive gambler, what makes me a real compulsive gambler is that when I’m not gambling I’m constantly thinking of ways to gamble or scheming for my next big binge. When I start gambling, I get flooded with dopamine and get high as a kite and can’t stop until I lose everything I have . It’s a mental and physical disease which has a spiritual solution. I bounced around from job to job and as the years went by my gambling and drinking both progressed to the point where I was doing one or the other everyday with the gambling holding me in its grips more so then my drinking at the end. I quit my job via a sticky note on my bosses computer (that was a fun amend) then in my last month’s of being in action I began to con the people who love me most, more than the usual con jobs I should add, to fuel my gambling. My stealing increased to levels I never dreamed of and the thought of suicide was the only one that brought me comfort. On Sept 23 2009 I had ran a con for money to pay my growing stack of bills, and instead lost it at the track in short order, I than stole a large sum of money in order to pay the bills and promptly lost that at the casino this is all within a 10 hour time frame. This was not a whole lot different from most other days except when I got home I sat in the backyard and began to realize my life was never going to get better and that I should make the world easier on everyone and myself by killing myself. For some reason, which I now see as Gods grace, I told my dad I had a gambling problem and he and my momtalked with me and i began this journey. I went to see a priest who 12 stepped me and I found myself at a ga meeting a few days after. I asked a guy to sponsor me in my 2nd week in the program and he agreed to on the condition I work the steps immediately and I go to treatment. I spent 21 days in treatment and worked my first set of steps in my first 6 months in the program as I knew this disease was fatal and I would die if I didn’t change. I have a working relationship with God and the gifts that have been given to me through the 12 steps are remarkable, to those who believe that going to meetings and not gambling is good enough, remember what the combo book says” these steps are the basis for the entire program” god bless and pass it on. Matt
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