• tiredofmyself posted an update in the group Group logo of CommunityCommunity 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Well, I am just done with myself. Blew another $50 tonight at the VLT machines in about 20 minutes killing time waiting for the bus. I was up, like always, but just couldn’t stop myself. I am lucky I was able to walk out without blowing it all this time. I have struggled for so long, multiple rehab and multiple jail time for fraud. Current warrant out for my arrest. Always broke, I am just a cheater and a liar. I am smart but also so stupid. I have to change. I am going to try and stop gambling a day at a time here. I gambled today and want to have one month of no gambling, that is it, no more, no less. And this is a short month to boot. I already screwed up Feb 1st, but going to take the next bit a day at a time. I am unemployable, have to find ways to earn money and maybe depend on my significant other while I still have them. So sick of myself, I am better than this. Will post here daily, I am hoping that works. It is the beginning of the month and I am broke, just $110 left. I have my bus transportation covered but credit cards are 3 months behind and my partner covered the rent. I will buy food tomorrow with the $110. Starting to think I have to just get rid of all my money and then I won’t be worried about gambling it away…..blow it all on bills and leave myself with zero….at least I will have something to show for it. Money burns a hole in my pocket.

    • Hello, tiredofmyself.
      I know what you are feeling to my core. Helpless, hopeless. Like a loser. Like life isn’t worth it. I too have lied, and have found that none of my actions to this point have gotten me anywhere. Money also burns a hole in my pocket, and my support system is becoming smaller. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here.

      • Well, my first day of trying to stay away didn’t go so well. 9 am I was in the VLTs and blew everything but $20 for groceries. Feel like switching provinces today, maybe that would help. I can avoid casinos and racetracks but not a VLT lounge on every corner. Ontario doesn’t have VLTs, maybe the west has won and it’s time to leave