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When I accepted that I had a gambling problem, I figured I could deal with it as I had managed most of my life, by myself. I joined Gamblers Anonymous as a group had recently opened up in my community. The group had been started by AA members who were getting the same feelings from gambling as from alcohol. I recognized in them some of the warning signs that I had more than a gambling problem. I started cleaning up my life using the Gamblers Anonymous Program principles and so far manage my life a day at a time. It took a few years before I worked through some of the baggage that I had/have but now I recognize disruptions before they become hazardous and I remedy the situation to the best of my ability.
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I commend you for your self-insight. The most difficult part for me wasn’t admitting I had gambling sickness, but hiding it from everyone. I believe part of a gambling sufferer’s character includes, not so much denial, but ‘flying under the radar’ ; a trait we carry into other areas of our lives as well. Naturally private and secretive, I personally acknowledge I have a need to ‘ know-something-you-don’t-know-syndrome. I suppose it is an internal false sense of power. It has taken me many years to practice appropriate self-disclosure, as I always feared judgment more than anything else. I am envious you understand and recognize your ‘ triggers’ ; I’m not sure I could identify mine, certainly I know gambling is an emotional disease, but I cannot specifically say which feelings cause my behaviour. The HALT acronym I do follow, however most times it doesn’t apply to how I perceive I’m feeling. When I am overwhelmed I cannot recognize individual states of being. I become tunnel-visioned and there is no bargaining, negotiating or rationalizing : and I gamble. Congratulations on your continued recovery, the character traits we possess making gambling our drug of choice, can be amazing if used appropriately. Every person I have known suffering from gambling, are intelligent, compassionate, creative, resilient, courageous and loyal. It’s devastating the sickness eventually twists all these gifts into personality deficits over time.
Keep fighting the good fight Friend.
I found that the “hiding it” portion of my gambling was exhausting. No matter how hard I tried to hide, someone always knew and chose not to mention it. Either they didn’t want to approach me about it or didn’t care because they had their own issues. I now recognize the tunnel vision bits in my behaviours and take positive actions to derail the train so I can get on with today. I guess I slowly developed self analysis over the years. Just for today I won’t place a bet on anything. I, too, use the halt method. I just know now that something is disturbing my universe.. I just keep working on my recovery a bit at a time. Thanks for your reply.