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Finally reaching out for help. I was in recovery for a little over 6 years and the a few years back I started agian. After a few years of recovery I went to meetings less and less until I stopped going all together. I never thought i would place another bet in my life but I did.. At first I thought it had been long enough I can control it, that was the gambler in me talking but I didn’t realize it at that point. Needless to say I couldn’t control it it took no time at all for the lying, hiding, and all the crap came flooding back into my life. It was the whole thing all over agian , like I had never left it. I take that back there was a difference, I had a new relationship, started my own company and was happy so I don’t know why I started agian. Fast forward a few years and here I am hoping I can get out of this before it kills me. I forgot to mention thats how I stopped the first time. I didn’t want to live like this anymore and I couldn’t stop so I slit my wrist in my mothers bathroom. My mom has 6 grandkids for some reason she had two of there pictures in that bathroom one of which was my daughter and as I lay there bleeding I seen her picture and I had to find another way. So I wrapped myself up and drove to the er. When I woke up in the sic hospital, I had this overwhelming feeling of calm that I hadn’t felt in a long long time. I new that I wouldn’t place another bet and I didn’t for 6 years. I feel myself getting to that uncontrollable helpless place that I was at and I don’t want to be there because I don’t know if I will be ok this time.
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Tyler,
Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with us. I sure relate as I had two failed suicide attempts myself, so I know what you are experiencing now.
A few areas stood out to me and why this disease and addiction is so cunning. The first thing that stands out to me is that you successfully maintained recovery for 6-yrs. Have you examined what changes and build-up within the months leading up to giving all that up and going back out? It seems it would have to be more than just becoming complacent or thinking you can test you controlling your gambling. Many times this happens, and of course, it doesn’t work.
Not does it not work; we don’t start over when we gamble again. No, we pick up right where we left off when entering recovery and why the testing control is even more devastating, and things spiral out of control so fast. What you shared also makes me know that something is missing within the recovery work you have done or doing… Meaning, there may be some underlying issues or roots as to why you are using addicted gambling to cope or using it as an escape from an event or something in your past that you haven’t dealt with or processed yet.
Mine was undiagnosed mental health issues, abusive trauma and the haunting pain from that is why I turned to and used gambling in the first place and became addicted. For me, GA was not going to get me to stay Bet Free. I had to go through treatment and also worked with an addiction specialist for a year too. Everyone has options and choices on how their recovery journey goes. But sometimes, we need more to gain long-term abstinence and stability to reach serenity and true peace. I just thought I would share those thoughts with you… You have great support here!
Cat
Hi Tyler
Glad you are reaching out.
If you are free Friday evening at 10 pm est please join our online GA type meeting in the chatroom.
Also see if you can find a counselor in your area as well as a Gamblers Anonymous meeting.
And if you are interested I send out two daily recovery focused messages. For me they help me
start my day focused on recovery. If you want to try them or have any questions about starting
recovery email me at ken.lambon@rogers.com