Activity – ReachingOut

ReachingOut posted an update in the group Community 2 years, 10 months ago

I am really really nervous because I am very afraid that I will end up at the casino over 4th of July weekend. I lost so much (every penny of savings for an apartment, plus majority of my last two checks plus maxed out my credit plus got crazy payday type loans over the last 3 weeks) and now feel compelled to try and get some of it back.
The small part of my brain that still has reason knows that I will be DEVASTATED if I lose but the addicted side is convincing me with all of the same lies as usual. I feel like if I could just undo some of the financial trauma of the last weeks that I will THEN be able to stay away and focus on work and permanent recovery. I have so many reasons to go (I need the money that I could not afford to lose, I am having troubles with my son, one job just ended unexpectedly and it will take at least a few weeks to replace it) but the one reason I really hope I can stay away is because if I lose again, I will feel as bad as I do now times 1000.
- jj2500 replied 2 years, 10 months ago
  
  Welcome. I have done everything and then some. I have not been to a casino since Feb. 2020 but gambled online for a month. I had to block myself from online sites. I voiced the same concerns about July 4th weekend in last night’s meeting. I know my addiction is strong than I am. However, that will not prevent me from praying to overcome the desire to end it. One day at a time works.
- ReachingOut replied 2 years, 10 months ago
  
  Thank you for sharing. I have been very much praying…
- Sa1991 replied 2 years, 9 months ago
  
  Hiya I know how you are feeling. I too gambled all my savings, took out loans etc. And even though I was so angry and disappointed in myself (also extremely affected my mental health) I still had that addicted part of my brain telling me ‘but what if I do win this last time and then all my financial issues will be resolved’!? Then my car which I rely on heavily broke on me and I needed 1000s of work doing on it which I didn’t have (I would of had if I hadn’t gAmbled it) so then I felt suicidal and that was the last straw for me. Never again do I want to be in that position or feel that way again. Money is precious, especially when you work hard for it. You can do this. Each day that goes by u don’t do it the easier it gets and the more your realise how ridiculous it is etc. Sorry for the long comment but I really relate to your post.
  Another thing I tell myself now if I get the urge is… even if I was to win, I would eventually just gamble it all again anyway (which is what I did every single time) so what is the point!?
  - ReachingOut replied 2 years, 9 months ago
    
    Thank you so much for your reply-it wasn’t too long. Unfortunately for me, I never am able to stay focused on the reasons to stay away from gambling until I have yet again BLOWN MY WHOLE CHECK AND GOTTEN MORE HIGH INTEREST LOANS AND LOST LOST LOST. I don’t absorb myself into chat rooms or meetings when I have money. I HATE that I do that.