• Profile picture of RRSpiral82

    RRSpiral82 posted an update in the group Group logo of CommunityCommunity 2 years, 5 months ago

    I’ve been on the site, one week night late, about 6 months ago. I decided I didn’t need a program, I could do it on my own. I really think I didn’t want the accountability that a program would have provided…I wanted the option to turn back to gambling, when the mood struck me, without dropping a group, avoiding a sponsor, feeling guilty for breaking my word, and losing my days of “sobriety” (not sure if that’s what it’s called for gamblers. Since then, I’ve gotten more in debt, to family and friends now, rather than institutions. My marriage was starting to be good for the first time in a many years, and I drove a wedge in that relationship by backsliding, pretty fast and hard into my old ways.
    In my best gambling days, I could win $10,000-$25000, with a really small investment (less than $1000). I have been so strapped for money that I just had these dreams that I could have a few nights like that, and be in a comfortable place again-and then I’d stop. I don’t want to ruin any relationships and I can’t continue to gamble and build debt—I can BARELY afford the monthly obligations I have now. I’ve got to get onboard. I just don’t understand how this all works. If I can’t tell myself that I shouldn’t gamble, and I work myself up to going anyway—how does the program break that behavior?

    • Profile picture of Sharon.W
      Sharon.W replied 2 years, 5 months ago

      Hi. I too was in the same situation. However I live alone and had no one to answer to. I could gamble at will. After having my utilities shut off twice, and car repo’d, I decided to do something. I went back to AA (22 1/2 Yrs sober). Some of the girls there got me a number to phone in meetings. People across the US and Canada call in every night during the pandemic. It has now dropped off to 3 meetings a week. I called in all the time, but sill struggled in the late afternoons. After tapping into their phone list, I got some gal that I didn’t hit it off with. I tried again and ended up with someone in California (I live in NC) and hit it off right away! After gambling some 20 ears, I am FINALLY clean over 100 days now! My life has gotten so much better, on the recovery road just one day at a time. here is the days and phone number for the call in meetings…well worth calling in. Use the phone list as well. They tell you how to get that list at the end of each meeting. Furthermore YOU CAN DO THIS WITH HELP OF OTHERS NOT ALONE. Hope this helps.
      GA weekly call help…(267)807-9601 access code 9131957# (that’s the GA birthdate 9/13/1957) meetings are Sun 9-11 pm EST, Wed 9-11 pm EST & Friday 3-4 pm EST
      Sharon W…..respond back and let me know how it goes.

    • Profile picture of RRSpiral82
      RRSpiral82 replied 2 years, 5 months ago

      Thank you, Sharon! I have taken a screenshot of the phone info so I can call in on Wednesday. I do try to make church that night, so might be a little late. I’m a mom, but my family is full of gamblers, so they make it all too easy to get away from my responsibilities. They encourage me to come with them, and I know it’s out of a place of love—because they want me to feel included. My husband works away from home and they know how hard it is for me trying to work a full time job and take care of them, practically alone. I’ve started telling them that I love them, but I’d rather they not invite me if they are going to gamble, because it’s too hard for me to resist the urge to go along. I did ask my husband to add the Life360 app on his phone, so he knows my location all the time. He doesn’t like gambling and he doesn’t always know I’ve gone-since I make a trip while he’s out of town. I’m trying to make myself as accountable to as many people as possible. I’m also looking for other hobbies to fill my time and maybe a part time job to earn back some of the income I’ve lost in the last decade. I know I’ll never REALLY make it up, but I’m trying to forgive and forget the past transgressions, and focus on doing what I can now to get myself out of the mountain of debt I’ve piled up. I’m more hopeful today than I was yesterday. I know that will change, day to day or hour to hour, but I’m trying to keep my mind occupied. I really appreciate the encouragement and the call details. I’m so very grateful to have a community of people who know the struggles, and are on the road to recovery, as well!