• bruce19 posted an update in the group Group logo of CommunityCommunity 2 weeks ago

    I met my fiancé 5 1/2 years ago. It was pretty well apparent that she had an issue with playing slots. Phone always in her hand, sleeping with her phone in her hand…. on rare occasion, I would get her phone and see email confirmations of purchases from slotomania, trips to the casino with $1000 withdraws from the casino ATM. She still always says “I’ve been to counceling, I’m fine” 2 years ago, she benefited from winning a lawsuit… well over a million dollars…. she has always hid her bank Acct and phone. I saw a printed Acct statement guesstimating from what I saw… she has lost nearly $200,000. Because the losses haven’t been felt like I’ve been told about her past… losing whole paychecks…stealing family members credit cards… lifetime ban from a casino chain from trying to use her aunts check to continue her slots binge, the ban she agreed to so they wouldn’t pursue charges on her. I am distraught because I have assisted in investments with her, and if there isn’t a reining in, ie… intervention… all will be for not. She is heading to financial ruin. My name is on properties and 2 businesses, I can’t figure out how to assist in her deciding there is a serious problem. She is always in a very angry denial mode. She also hits all the markers of narcissistic disorder…. I don’t know what to do…

    • Hey Bruce. I have a brother who has NPD. Of course they will never admit to it, the nature of it means that they are never wrong, they are better than others etc. It is horrible because they can’t be reasoned with. I had to get away from it completely. I know you love her and you don’t want to take this option. In getting away from my brother (and to a lesser extent my narcissistic mother) I am now away from the whole family. Its amazing how convincing they are to other people. They can ACT very kind to some while being manipulative and cruel to others. I hope you are able to break through to your S.O. and I hope that she gets help with both the gambling and the NPD. I had to separate myself for my own well-being even as hard as it is to be away from my family, I am able to get back my self-worth which is necessary for my own recovery. I wish you the best my friend. I know what you are up against is amazingly hard and I hope she comes around to seeking help herself. I’m not sure if this is a good suggestion or not, you will have to navigate these waters yourself; but I will give you my suggestion anyway. I say if you feel you need to be in gam-anon, your church recovery group, or any other therapy.. that you do that. Don’t hide it or worry about getting caught. I mean.. getting caught getting help?! I say help her, if she doesn’t want it, help yourself and keep trying to help her. It’s all you can do. The gambling won’t stop unless she begins recovery or when the money runs out. It’s the nature of the disease. This may sound a bit negative but unfortunately it is true.. gambling ends 3 ways. Death, the nut house, or recovery. I hope you and your S.O. can get it together and get on track for recovery! Take care!