Activity

I’m sheepishly back, head down back to stopping and scratching lotto I’m almost at the place where I cringe after I buy scratches. After I don’t win I writhe around in my car maybe even buy more before I get home. I won small amounts. Like5-50 so that was enough to make me think I would be ok and offered myself permission to keep on going. It all started after someone dear to me told me they had a dream that I won big, so back I went, I’m responsible for those choices but wow amazing to see that thought carry me, that thought is gone now mostly but it allowed my mind to give myself permission. Now i know it was a habit creator.. I see how I am no better than a junkie as chemicals within promote this too.
I also know that this is brought on by my need to get back at bullies and present managers who disregard my worth. To win huge would be such a feeling of power, revenge for me in being rich andbeing able to leave their torture and their ccnstant ability to make my special skills and abilities expendable as they continue to Reduce and demean me reduce my presence and I know it’s from their own insecurities bias and politics a few immature higher ups who make for a very toxic environment I know these are my excuses but something I live through daily. Good news I’ll keep back for a bit but the only reason it happened was because I had given fiancé money over the kady6 yrs and a car accident which seemed to help too
Well too much here sry Today I will begin again to not buy scratches
Hugs Steve