Tagged: Recovery day 1
June 3, 2019 at 5:12 pm #102859
I’m 35 years old. I have been gambling for close to 7 years now and it’s like watching my life crumble before my eyes and not being able to take control. The part that hurts the most is the fact that I’m a Christian and I’ve been praying for years that God would help me overcome and instead my life is getting swallowed up in a dark hole that I can’t climb out of.
I feel so lonely because I have not shared my struggle with anyone for years. The one time I tried to confide in my cousin who is a long time Christian she judged me and talked to me like I was an addict and if I told her I was doing good that month not gambling she would say “you would do it again” which discourages me even more.
I don’t have anyone to confide in and no one to help me financially because I’ve burnt all my bridges. I never wanted to be this person all my life I’ve tried to do good and now I’ve turned into an unreliable, untrustworthy person and not by choice.
The main thing that keeps me gambling is to try to win some money to pay off my debts. I play online slots on my phone and most of the time I don’t want to but I don’t see any other way to gain the money I need fast but in the end I’m left broke and even more in debt.
I’ve really reached rock bottom I’m depressed, discouraged and alone and sometimes I don’t want to go on. There’s no one I could turn to I’ve let everyone I love down and I don’t see anyway I can catch up.
August 27, 2019 at 1:27 pm #105653
After years of self-destruction behind gambling I quit on 8/27/1992. It was such a glorious time; it gave me hope and confidence that it was possible to stop the chase of insanity that comes with gambling. Then it happened, I dropped my guards and allowed myself to believe I could return to gambling and control it this time; after all it had been over 20 years since I placed a bet. Well the time away from gambling did not give me control, in fact when I returned to gambling all my problems escalated. I was now spending more and chasing harder than I did the first time. The guilt and shame surrounding my behavior is overwhelmingly lonely and sickening. I currently work in the helping profession and have for the past 22 years, so on an intellectual level I know exactly what needs to be done to break the cycle. Instead I am escalating into destruction, I have spend all available credit on my credit cards, taken out payday loan with outrageous interest rates, borrowed from my elderly parents and grown children to cover my losses and stressing myself out with the denial that the one big win is coming and I will pay everybody back and get on my feet once again. I know this is lying to myself ; I will always loose more than I can ever win. I just need the courage to stop once again. I am married to a recovering addict, he understands chemical addiction, but can’t seem to wrap his mind around the addiction that I suffer with. So, his attempts at support are more forms of verbal abuse or enabling. He tells me he will watch how much I spend, and I can’t leave his side. Well my behavior is cunning, baffling and powerful, I always seem to escape his hawk eye and get into financial trouble. There are no GA meetings in my area, the last time I stopped it was with the use of NA/AA, an telephone group GA meeting and my profession. However today, I don’t have the motivation, courage or energy to return to those rooms. It is my hopes that talking about the reality of my addictions with those who are like minded I will begin to move toward the healthy, gamble free lifestyle that I once had. I am hopeful that I can once again focus on my internal self and identify what keeps me avoiding life by gambling and stop one day at a time. I read the stories I find on Gamtalk and they inspire me by letting me know I am not alone, although I feel as if I am. This is just the beginning of my journey, but I hope others will reach out to me and we can work our steps and program together and be gamble free One Day At A Time. Thanks for letting me share.
September 8, 2019 at 8:30 pm #105871
Hello…I struggle the same way. I just wrote some struggles and I have the same history. I work in the professional field of helping people. I can’t believe I am doing what I am doing again. I do have some good techniques that help when I use them. Set a timer on your phone ..have buzz every 10 minutes. Stop and reflect how horrible you feel when lose all your money. Tell your self I have spent my 40 dollars and can come back next week when I get paid again. Have a list of memories that you have lost or what you could be doing with the money instead. Take the grand kids out to dinner, do your nails, your hair. Reflect before you continue..stop if you spent your limit. Walk remembering you can come back next week. I don’t know if this will help…but it helps me when I use this technique.
July 29, 2019 at 6:35 pm #105172
Started gambling in 2006. I believe I use it as an escape. I had marital problems, empty nest syndrome, and no social life or world. I liked the excitement, the numbness of emotions, and the fact that it was a place where I wasn’t known. Of course winning WAS fun but as the years have gone by winning isn’t even fun anymore because I just put it all back in. I swear Im going to cash out, leave at a certain time, not spend more than I have in my wallet and just have fun. This is the same tape I play over and over again in my head. Then comes the remorse after losing, staying too late, spending my last dime, and having to rush home explain where ive been. The guilt is killing me and I want to stop! I make a plan in my head to ban myself and then I procrastinate and don’t do it. Then the urge comes and I go back and do it all over again. The casino is the Devil’s playground and I don’t want to play there anymore! I need help! Im ganna try this site for awhile and see how I like it..hoping it will help and I can help others also.
May 4, 2019 at 1:17 am #101683
Hello I’m 42 yrs old an I never thought in my wildest dreams I end up with a gambling addiction. It’s gotten out of control. There are these casino cafe spots everywhere I live . I live in Illinois. Yup Illinois has been corrupted with all these cafe casinos . I’ll go during my lunch break that it’s interfering with my job . Sometimes I won’t even return back to work an email my boss that I’m sick or family emergency came up just excuses an lies to stay at the machine till I’m down to my last penny’s . I lose , lose , lose and end up leaving disgusted, hopeless. I don’t know what void I’m trying to fill. But it’s unhealthy an got a hold of me an ruining my marriage, my family my job just everything. Every time I go I Sike myself out an tell myself that I’m only going to spend $40 an it leads to hundreds. I’m losing control an don’t know what to do or what’s wrong with me? Need help .
May 7, 2019 at 2:06 am #101836
I’m in the same crazy making boat. I tell myself I will only spend $20, $50, even $200 and win and loose and win and loose until I loose it all and more. I have told myself I can do this and just have a little fun. Each time ends the same. Last time 14 hours straight! Just went in to spend a couple hours and went home at 11:00 am crying and feeling like I want to just die.
Addiction, cunning, baffling, POWERFUL!!! I know what I need to do. Surrender and go to meetings, call people in the GA program and sign into outpatient treatment. This is no joke. These machines are designed to suck out our souls.
I feel ya. I have the same thing happening over here. And in order to go to meetings, I have to drive by the casinos! I didn’t go to a meeting tonight but called someone that was going to it. I didn’t trust myself to not end up gambling tonight. I got busy with yard work. Forgot for a little bit and then contemplated going at 9:30pm!!! Just for a couple hours, my mind tells me. Ugh. I didn’t go and I am going to a 2 hour meeting at the inpatient center in the morning, then to work.
I don’t have it down either, but I know there is help and I’m trying to grab a hold to save my life.
January 31, 2018 at 7:54 pm #5966
hello every one I’m here as I have finally relized that I have a gambling addaction. It probley started with scrach off lottery tickets. it was not log that it went from there too the casino. I was winning then loseing an then it was like every couple days I was going down for about a mont I was winning about 1000 dollars an then it started to be were I’m loseing 1000 dollars every time I go now. I feel really depressed when I lose. I finally had to come too my sences an tell my husband that I have a problem an I need help with it. he said stop the stupid shit. now we are to talk about it too night when he gets off work.
I also found out that I can have my self banned from the casino I guess for a year or life an will never be aloud back on too the property again. I’m really thinking about doing this cause this is driving me in sane now.
January 25, 2018 at 11:48 am #5934
Hi, I am Xian (pronounced Shawn). I am 8 hours into recovery. I live in Arizona and casinos are everywhere like cactus. I picked up this costly habit about 2 years ago. It has been a downward spiral since. I want help before I lose everything…
January 17, 2018 at 2:11 pm #5891
Day one. Total remorse. Self hate. Broke. Sad. I hope day 2 is better.
January 25, 2018 at 11:56 am #5940
Lori, I have the same emotions. Together and support from the forum, we can do this. When I get the urge, I plan to check the forum and read success stories.
January 12, 2018 at 3:37 pm #5883
from my experience, if you go one time to casino its problem its big thing this place is bad its hell on earth.
January 25, 2018 at 11:36 am #5933
I agree. I did not develop this habit until recently. My partner is the gambler and I would set in the food court. I did it once and I have been hooked. The casino consumes my day and bank account. I do not want this to be a part of my life! Please Help.
October 15, 2017 at 5:22 am #5338
I am a 52 yr old female. I like to go to the casino on the weekend. Spend an average 100. Sometimes a little more. We have nothing in our savings and living paycheck to paycheck. I ask my kids which are now grown if they think I have a problem. They tell me no it is just my way of relieving stress. My hubby always complains when I go. I don’t know if things are getting out of hand or not and just need some advice. Thanks for taking time to read my post. Any and all comments are welcome.
October 16, 2017 at 2:18 pm #5344
Thanks for sharing your story. I admire your honesty in sharing your story. I can relate to you very much. I am looking for support and have only one GA meeting in my area. I don’t go to that meeting as I work during it. I’m wondering if you or anyone does group chats? I had a sponsor but she is gambling again after several years and I would love to be able to chat with folks for daily support.
October 16, 2017 at 11:34 am #5343
Welcome to Gamtalk.
I have included the 20 Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous literature for you to answer.
My first time at GA I only answered yes to 5 questions as I was in denial and went back out for another 3 years and nearly lost everything including my life. Today I answer yes to all 20.
How can you tell if you are a compulsive gambler?
1. Did you lose time from work or school due to gambling?
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
3. Did gambling affect your reputation?
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
12. Were you reluctant to use “gambling money” for normal expenditures?
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom or loneliness?
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?
Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions
September 8, 2017 at 9:24 pm #5232
43 year old female here. Always enjoyed casinos on occasion. 8 months ago, a casino opened in my town,5 minutes from my home. At first I would go on occasion. the past 4 months, it has been out of control. Losing hundreds of dollars daily, borrowing from credit cards, just a mess. It got to the point where nothing was enjoyable if I was not at casino. Winning meant nothing because it was never enough. Today, I decided to self exclude myself from all New York State ( my state) casinos. Someone here suggest I attend a GA meeting.
September 29, 2017 at 9:48 pm #5313
I’m a 44 yr old female and a casino opened about 25 min from my house a few yrs ago. My frequency progressed & now I go almost daily! I don’t even work right now & can’t afford it. I borrow money & do cash advance off my credit card too. You sound like me. I feel like all I want to do is gamble at the casino or sleep. Sometimes I get irritable if I can’t go but then if I do go & lose, then I leave down, and that’s almost always. If I win, I gjve it back then blow more! I’ll blow my last penny! I excluded myself a few yrs ago but then I drove 1 1/2 hrs away to a dif casino once or twice a week. Argh. I hope it works out for you!
September 9, 2017 at 10:41 am #5235
Hope you will keep coming back. And as someone suggest find a GA room and if you can some counselling.
Here is a link to help in your state and if you are interested send me an email and I will add you to
a couple of daily recovery messages I send out each morning.
Ken L YBIR
August 23, 2017 at 2:05 pm #5183
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.