January 8, 2018 at 2:48 pm #5788
Over Christmas i ran into an lady i had met in GA years back.
We kept in contact back then for a while,super nice lady,but we grew apart?
The a few years later i see her at a meeting from across the parking lot i was wow ,kinda happy,she was in with other ladys standing together in a little group ,i slowly walked past we had already made eye contact?
She snubbed me? and hmm i thought wierd,oh well when she entered the room there was an empty seat beside me ,for sure she would sit there.Nope! she chose the farther one from me,never even said Hi.
So over the last week she has been calling me ,i have avoided her calls,cause of the conversations we had had the last two times we met.purely by accident.
She caught me up on her life.All the positives were there,quit smoking,goes to a gym,says im not gambling but well she is, but not in casinos.
So i tell her ,oh i still gamble,and she knows i smoke ,and well outside of work,i sit and drink coffee a gym is a dirty filthy place to me.ewww nasty lol.
So i have had butterflies ever since we met up.
Waiting for her words to hurt me again.
I purposely never gave her my number the first time we met up.wanted to protect myself from her.
Told my daughter i feel bad about it ,hope it didnt come across as rude.
I know we are not good for each other.
And im okay with that, love it to meet in the streets and chat,but STOPS there.
She is not good for me in ways that she makes me feel dirty for smoking,makes me feel like she is oh wow way past me in life,look at me!
And for sure im happy for her.
So on sat she calls and guess what ,wants to know if we can go spend a day in the casino in the states?She warns me and when i go its an all day thing? i like to eat out and make a day out of it.
I said sure i would go with her.she says you know just a one time treat,she kinda laughs.
Hung up the phone and told my daughter this is not good.
She as i mentioned above i told my daughter it all,and i said i dont want to go with her ,She will blame it all on me,and she had already been wearing on my mind as oh she is unhealthy for me.
If we did go i knew i would get the call saying Hi i cleaned my life up and i really cant be near you lol.
When SHE was the one who suggested it.
So i was going to call her and say you know what i really dont feel like going with you to the casino,but maybe we could get together another time ,Knowing full well that that would be that last time we will talk.
So this morning i get home she calls,I say Hello and she proceeds to cancel our plans ,i said,yah i was going to call you to do the same.
But then she went on and on about her perfect life.AGAIN.
I get it!
Our paths may cross again one day!
But darn, she still managed to make me feel like a dirty piece of evil that at all cost im her past,she never wants to be again.
I had to vent this out cause i guess a small part of me is angry that i didnt beat her to the punch!
She did it again lol.
So like it says in GA stay from people who are not healthy for you,and to be honest her hurting me like that is a HUGE trigger for me to find just one more excuse to go gamble,i only fit in ,when im alone gambling.
Wrong probably,but for now as part of my keeping me alive,it is still my go to place to feel like im apart of this world as ME.
Bye my friend.i wish you well in your journey.you made smile and you made me laugh.but to make me cry im not strong enough for that in my life right now.
Sorry for the venting.sitting here all alone.stirring thoughts.biggest one is Im friggen angry that i didnt listen to those darn butterflies.
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