• time4happy posted an update in the group Group logo of CommunityCommunity 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi All…spent some time reading past and recent posts and I see myself in almost every single one. My challenge is that my partner and I are both addicted to slots and at times, trigger one another and we both then deal with the loss, depression and self-loathing. Quite the double-edged sword. I don’t want to be a trigger, enabler or contributor to ruining our lives as well as our relationship. I blame myself when I pick a machine and we lose. I blame myself when I chose the wrong bet. I blame myself for suggestion that we even go in the first place. These casinos are in business to take everything we have so that they can put in more new machines and pull more people in with the false promise of a constant win. The problem is, even when we win, we still lose. We keep wanting to relive that feeling we had when we see that “Call Attendant ” message flashing on the screen and the feel of those $100 bills in our hands and in our pockets. Because eventually, that hand and pocket are empty because we chose to risk that win for another and we lose yet again. I don’t want to feel that loss for us both anymore. The stress and the anger and the depression is doubled in our relationship because of that “place”. Sometimes I can’t even bring myself say the word “casino” because it makes me feel so unworthy. Such a loser. So unlucky. But I know in my heart that we always have another chance to simply say no. Another day will start and we can find better things to occupy our time. I need to keep reminding myself that I am not alone in this constant battle to want to feel that excitement of a big win. To allow my life to become the win by not going there. And to smile at the end of the day with that feeling of accomplishment that I didn’t give in the trigger or craving. One step and one hour and one day at a time. I can do this…WE can DO this. I am thankful for this site and want others to feel the same. We are all in this together, and we can beat this. Today, I will be strong enough NOT to go to the casino. And tomorrow I will start the day by saying the same. Thank you for all your stories and sharing your struggles and pain. We got this. Stay strong.