Well here I go again. I have struggled for many years. In the past few years I went into 2 treatment programs. After completing the first (btw I was only one in four gambling rest were substance abuse). A month after finishing the program my mom suddenly passed away. (More to the story). Anyhow I did well for a few months but then I thought I could handle just playing a few dollars, eventually it was a few more, then chasing losses again. I then decided to go into a second program just for gambling, I graduated on birthday thinking I got this. I banned myself from the casino still positive, than one night I was stress at work, feeling alone I decided to take my mind if things and try online gambling. Wow you think only a few dollars, then a few more, oh but I like this game maybe a little more, then I reach the point….WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!
So here I am trying to find the hello and somewhere to explain why I do this to myself over and over. I will say I haven’t borrow money from friends or family, but yes payday loans, high interest loans, credit cards…ugh My whole family knows I struggle with this but my whole family gambles just know when to stop.. Unlike myself.
In past 7 years I lost suddenly my dad, my mom and my nephew/godson. Everytime I make progress seems another tragedy hits and brings back memories which the only way I know how to cope is to gamble because it makes me not think of anything else.
Well I said enough thanks for listening.
Oh Ty covid for the seclusion and giving me another excuse.
The pattern you are displaying suggests that you, like the rest of us, have underlying issues that prompt us into these self destructive behaviours. When I had one to one counselling it prompted me to look within myself, back to my childhood and find the core problem, which was low self esteem. An awful lot of people suffer from this and it shows up in a whole load of different ways. Through counselling and self life coaching I now feel comfortable in my own skin and accept my capabilities good and bad, for the first time in my life I feel equality with all instead of feeling like the underdog. Even the most successful people live in fear, fear of failure is what drives them, we are all the same we just manage our fears differently. If you don’t believe me consider this, why did Superstars like Michael Jackson and George Michael have such troubled lives, they were talented and rich beyond their wildest dreams yet still they were troubled. The only person you need approval from is yourself, achieve that and you will find peace of mind which will enable you to take control over your own life.