Connecticut Lady
I recently made it to one year in recovery. A lot of “one day a time” has brought me to where I am now. And what a feeling it is! I am in a much better place now. Mind you, I still have some work to do on the reasons why I gambled and of course there is the “staying stopped”, but for the most part life is good and I am much happier.
I hope this inspires others who are early in their recovery. It may seem like a daunting task but just take it one day at a time. Replace your “old habit” with new and healthy ones, get counselling, read literature, and go to meetings.
Life is really wonderful in recovery. I still have a long way to go though. And I never doubt for one second that my addiction can sneak up on me. But by the grace of my higher power and some hard work on my part I am sure I will continue in my journey. I haven’t gone to my meeting yet but plan to do so this coming Monday. It will be good to be around people who share my addiction.
Embrace life…I sure have and I am hanging on. I just had my first “real” vacation in years. I even fell asleep on the beach. I It was amazing! I just listened to the surf and drifted off. In my “old life” I would never have been relaxed enough to do that.
I have come to realize that perhaps my addiction was for a reason. And that reason was to give me a greater appreciation of life and the people who I come across in life’s journey.
It just keeps getting better.
I finally have a few minutes to sit down and write a bit.
To start, I drove to the meeting only to find there was no one there. I had called that day and was assured the meeting would be taking place. No big deal. I didn’t let it bother me. After all, I have been in recovery for a year and doing it on my own with the help of a few friends and of course, this website. I may try again but am going to make sure that someone will be there.
On another note, I realized that I was putting myself through the wringer about doing the 12 steps. After, I had settled down and did some thinking I realized that I had been doing some of the steps over the past year without even realizing it. (1, 9, 10).I was especially in knots over steps 3 & 4. After talking to my counsellor about it, he said something very wise… “Step 3 is not a “sh#$” list about yourself. There can be positive things as well as negative things.” That made me feel a lot better. I also realized that if I am to do these steps, I need to find someone I really, really trust. I haven’t found that person yet. So, until then Step 3 & 4 can wait. The world isn’t going to end in the meantime.
I have also been struggling with the whole “higher power” thing. I have been going to church and praying to “God” but it just wasn’t working for me. It dawned on my yesterday after a conversation with a friend of mine, that it was my native spirituality that brought me into recover in the first place. I had been watching the film about Alkali Lake (http://www.4worlds.org/4w/ssr/Partiv.htm) and at the very end of the film I started crying so hard and I realized that i had to tell someone about my gambling or I would be able to go on. So I jumped in my car and drove til I reached a friends house and stumbled in the door (still sobbing) and told her my story. What a load off my shoulders!
And so, I have gone back to my native spirituality and I have a sense of peace now. I have given myself up to the “Great Spirit” It feels wonderful and right. And with the Great Spirit’s help and guidance I am going to continue on my journey of healing and making the most out of life.
I am doing great so far. Have experienced a bump in the road, however. No, I didn’t not gamble. But, I do suffer from depression and have so for many years now. I do fine for the most part but every once in a while it sneaks up and bites me in the butt. Just like gambling it tries to isolate me. I struggle to get out of bed and do the things I love. But I am keeping going! I would imagine I just need my medication altered a bit and I am sure after a trip to my doctor we will get things straightened out in that department. IN the meantime, I am doing ok. I get myself out and do things because I know it’s healthy. But by the same token, I take time for me. To relax and to practice my native spirituality.
I want to thank everyone on GamTalk for being there for me. It means more than you know to know that I am not alone and that I have people who understand.
It’s been awhile since I have been in this “room”. Just to let you know I am still doing well and still gambling free. I have been attending a lot of AA meetings in support of my partner (who has 10 years of sobriety) and recently discovered that I drank alcoholically. I am happy to report that I received my 6 month chip last night from AA. I don’t think of it as a reward but rather as a reminder of how wonderful my life is now. I firmly believer that my gambling addiction and alcohol are intertwined for the last time I drank I felt the urge to gamble. However, by the grace of my higher power, I was able to go home instead of going to gamble. I have discovered a whole new way of living and I look forward to growing and learning in this new life of mine.
I shall check in from time to time. Take care everyone and keep coming back!
Good luck on your journey!
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