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Where do I go from here? I am lost on how to repair my family. I have gambled online secretively for a year. I lied to my husband & I know I have broken his trust and I am trying to respect his feelings. It has been 2 weeks since he has talked to me, except to discuss our kids. He hasn’t been home and our girls are confused and “blaming their dad” when the blame should be towards me. I have expressed such deep sadness and repulsed at my behavior of how gambling took me over. He can’t see past this one mistake – horrible mistake. He can’t see all the happiness we have had for the past 21 years. We have never lied to each other and honestly are best friends. I have tried to make his life easier with doing EVERYTHING around the house and for the kids. He can’t see this. All he sees is this one thing. I don’t want this to define who I am? I always thought I was stronger than this and would never let an addiction take me over. Again- I am trying to respect his feelings. But I am at a loss and feeling almost resentment towards how he “just left”. I am in the deepest depression and anger towards myself….which I deserve. And he is no where. I try to tell myself that NO MATTER WHAT he would do….I would be there for HIM! Hold him and hug him and say “we will find a way out of this”. And he isn’t there for me. Why and how can I feel this way, when all this misery is my fault. I thought our relationship was stronger than this. I miss him terribly and can’t breathe without him
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I can feel your pain…. When one has been married for as long as you, there can usually be ‘some’ communication… For some reason your husband can’t see beyond disappointment etc. I’m sure you’ve likely tried to call him or see where he is. If you do know… I might suggest writing out your thoughts in a letter… You are being very hard on yourself.. and I understand that but in order to move forward you need to forgive yourself as difficult as that is.. to move forward. I hope in some way you can reach your husband and ask him if you could talk all of this out… You ‘do’ deserve that after all the years you’ve been together… take care Lindy
I totally feel you my dear. I am at a loss too. I have postpartum depression and I have this addiction. We are the same. Online bettinb got me. I hope we can get past this.
My heart goes out to you.
Eab I completely understand. I’m so sorry that it didn’t go better and you didn’t have the support you needed. I know that awful shame and it’s so hard what it does to a relationship. I have been married ten years and relapsed. I haven’t come clean and every time I see him I think about what I am doing to him. The one thing I see about your story that is a positive is that regardless of his responses the truth is out there. You’re no longer living under a lie or tied by it. I hope this can bring you a little peace.
It is so hard & my heart goes out to you. TELL HIM. DON’T WAIT!!!
Eabadow
I’ve read your post several times. You are going through a lot. You need to stay on course. I’m not sure if you’ve taken any measures to do that. A gambling addiction will tend to pull you back.
Self exclusion, Gamban an online bet blocker. Ga meetings in person or online. Possibly seeing a councillor.
I wish your significant other was by your side right now helping you.
That’s his decision not yours.
You are in control of what you are doing.
Hopefully the two of you will be able to talk things through.
But in the meantime you and your family are priority.
Congratulations on stopping gambling.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
❤️ I wish the absolute best for you !