• LesP posted an update in the group Group logo of CommunityCommunity 1 year, 1 month ago

    I’ve never reached out for help with gambling before today. I really hate myself right now. I have been trying to keep afloat and running out of money and keeping it all a secret from my spouse. I recently blew through our insurance money we were supposed to use to fix our bathroom and I won half of it back but there was a problem with the bank accepting the deposit so the casino put it back in my account and today I played it and win even more. $20,000. I’ve never won that much before. It would have changed everything for me. I could have gotten ahead and on top of things. But I lost it all because I kept playing. Why? Why ? Why did I do that? Why didn’t I just hold on to it until they figured out the banking issue and then cashed out. Why can’t I just be patient and stop playing? Why? I hate myself. Why do I do this to myself? I don’t even know how I’m going to pay my bills or take care of the bathroom repair now or tell my wife. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I’m physically sick just thinking about it.

    • I’m going it through the same thing not so much money yet similar I have been here before and I need to tell my husband and get a hold on it as it is spiraling and o can’t afford that at all

    • I feel your pain LesP and I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. All of your “Why’s” are logical but your addiction isn’t governed by reason. Once it takes over you can no longer logically evaluate the long term consequences for the short term rewards of the dopamine rush you are getting win or lose. It’s like you are under the influence and have no off switch. But there is a way out. You can interrupt this destructive pattern and retrain your brain. Recovery is possible if you really want it. Much love and light to you.

    • You just described me last month. I had lost some insurance money that was supposed to be paid to someone. I took my paycheck to the casino thinking that was the answer. But I won the 1800 back cash in hand and played every dime back before daylight. I’m still paying on that debt. Made me sick. I felt so ashamed . I wanted to rum away never come back. I feel ur pain