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Hello everyone. I’ve been watching YouTube videos about gambling addiction. It’s been helpful just hearing so many different ways of thinking I have not thought of before myself. I think that is one of the most helpful things about GA, and online communities like this.
Things that are becoming clear to me are that I never once won! Never! If I put all my losses and “wins” on a timeline, starting from my first bet ever, I was never ahead at any point after my very first bet.
The illusion of “winning” is what fooled me. How I let all the previous losses escape my memory is baffling!
I’m starting to realize how powerful the passage of time is. Just the other day I posted on here that I want time to pass by so that I can be beyond these feelings of shame. The passage of time does heal – at least for me, it heals to a point where I forget. Sadly I end up in the same spot again – whether
“win” or lose, all the bets that preceded present betting escape me – as though I was healed from the last damage. Far from it!!How can I carry those last experiences with me so that I don’t forget but also don’t feel the immense shame from
It.