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hello, I am new to all of this. I started to spend money on scratch off tickets , powerball, megamillions out of fear. Like everyone who is facing adversity now with the pandemic, my fear overtook me . I had just lost my mother and there were things I foretold for years prior that all came true and it freaked me out. I wanted to move from this country, I wanted to pay my debts (at the time , there wasn’t much) off and leave. I just got into a deeper hole. I am 62 and have high anxiety /depression and doesn’t help I am agorophobic. I felt because of my disability I had no other means to leave other than what was in my immediate area. I had gone off my medication also and that probably was what exacerbated my fears. FF. I fractured my arm and ankle in my garden and woke up basically be then physically messed up.

Now I have decided to get through this with the help of my family. I started by getting a power of attorney for my boyfriend to oversee my finances. I filed bankruptcy which I didn’t want to do but had no choice. that is and has been the trigger, trying to pay my bills off, making it worse but I need a second chance. I also thought that the behavior is still lingering even though hope is there and I have a support system going.

I wanted to reach out to others and get help with coping and using mechanisms to change the programming , the fear that still grips me and that has taken over my mind. I guess admitting you have a problem is the path to recovery and this is why I am here. I want to join the chats to see what I can learn and go from there.

Sending healing for all , I realized one thing about this reality in that it is not conducive for humans period. I see why people bang out with alcohol/drugs etc. I get it and its all about fear. Fear is the killer and I don’t want it to rule me even if this world is a complete mess.