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I gambled yesterday. Not proud of it at all. I keep telling myself I will stop but something gets in me where I think I can control it. But of course I cannot. I’m at an impasse. I know gambling does not fit my life well. I’m unsure how to replace it, how to stop, how to create a new productive life for myself. I had stopped gambling once for seven years. They were a great seven years. And now I started back up again. All those old feelings of shame have returned, of hiding, of being untruthful. I feel such overpowering shame that I find myself avoiding God. I’m in unhealthy place but I still believe I can find my way back to sobriety, to sanity. I would truly appreciate any comments, hearing anyone else’s story. Thank you for listening.
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I sure understand, JerMe. Man, do I understand.
Here’s the good news… You know you can be and stay BET FREE because you did it for seven years.
I recently shared my story as a gambling addict on a podcast, and it might help to listen to it as I shared it all!
https://www.kddmediacompany.com/podcast/episode/1c8e65f1/catherine-lyon-or-from-a-suicidal-criminal-gambling-addict-that-nearly-lost-everything-to-a-successful-author-and-advocate-for-gambling-addiction
I love watching or listening to many recovery podcasts because everyone’s story can be powerful tools to help us understand we are not alone with this addiction and disease. When you went back out? Did you gamble where you left off seven years ago? That is part of the disease. It invades every part of us, our minds, and our thinking and choices. It talked right into going back out thinking you can CONTROL your gambling. WE CAN’T! Once you cross that line? You won’t be a normal gambler anymore. No matter how hard you try, you will keep doing the same thing over and over with false hope and looking for a different result.
Look, we are smart to know that eventually? “The WIll Always WIN”… The “cycle” of this addiction is cunning and insane. You may win, but you know that an addict will sit and play all that back. And when you lose? You’ll keep gambling to chase your losses. Know you may email me anytime if you need more help… lyonmedia@aol.com
Cat
Thank you Cat! I am listening to the podcast. I think it’s you speaking and halfway through I have tears in my eyes hearing your story. I hear so many similarities- the abusive family, the mother who hurts with her words, the mental health problems. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I am very touched to hear it. When you asked why do I have to do it, why am I the one who has to change? You said “you do it for you, not for others.” Wow! I didn’t think of it in those terms. That statement aligns with what my former sponsor always told me – “ Be nice to JerMe”. I haven’t been nice to myself. And boy, all those old adages have such meaning – “you have to love yourself before you c an love others.” I do love myself and have gotten off course somewhere along the way. Life is good and it can stay that way if I start living the program again. Again, thank you Cat. Hearing your voice gives me hope. You sound happy, confident, and certain of where you are in life. I too will get there. If you’re okay with it, please keep in touch I would really appreciate it.
Oh my, thank you, JerMe, for the kind words. And See?
You understand, and it is why all of us should listen to other’s stories to gain HOPE and know we can recover. Stories of others have power and are tools to connect and hear those things we do have in common. I am happy you listened to the podcast.
I do have a full Relapse Prevention Guide and workbook on my recovery website you may find instrumental in keeping you engaged in recovery… >>>
Gambling Relapse Prevention Guide To Survive Life Events That Works.
You may copy and paste where you can use it as it sure helped me when live events or something that triggers us. My life today is good. But that is only due to continuing my recovery work. I had to do more than just Gamblers Anonymous to obtain my life. Not downing this program at all; it was how bad my gambling addiction was. You also are spot on that if we don’t LOVE ourselves with self-care and working our recovery, how can we help others and give them the support needed when we begin “Recovery Service” to others… Keep up the good work and I WILL stay in touch. Keep coming here and sharing as YOUR story matters.
Cat