June 25, 2017 at 8:37 pm #4916
June 25th, 32 days! One day at a time! That is all I am going to write. Going to bed soon. I feel like crap today. Allergies or head cold or something. Goodnight!
June 24, 2017 at 10:03 pm #4913
June 24th, 31 days ago, one day at a time! I was going through my jewelry box today and I found my 30 days key chain that I received from the first time I went through the program. I have kept it for a little over 4 years. At the time is meant something to me and the years up until today it still did. While I was looking at it I realized something about myself. I didn’t need a piece of plastic to define me or qualify my achievements, I threw it in the trash. I am so grateful and blessed to be able to be logging in my progress journal because some people never make it this far.
June 23, 2017 at 10:39 pm #4907
June 23rd, 30 days ago I quit gambling. One month ago today. One day at a time. Time really flies when you are not stressing about money or lying to people.I am happy thankful and grateful to be able to say I have made it this far again. Thanks to my Lord and my family! I couldn’t have done it without you. My journey so far has been peaceful and positive for the most part. The only real thing I have struggled with was letting go of my son and letting him make his own choices about gambling and realizing that I am not responsible for him anymore. I can encourage him, but I can’t control him. Good days ahead! Until tomorrow!
June 22, 2017 at 9:40 pm #4904
June 22nd, 29 days! One day at a time! Doing well. I feel like tomorrow I might want to start replying to some of the newer posts. No urges to gamble! Like I said before, I am just sick of it and totally bored. I have no desire, need or want to go back to the lifestyle. I spent too much money and my heart and soul have gone in a new direction. Sad to say that I have not been to church in two weeks now and I am hoping to make it this week. I was out of town last week and the week before I was having pain issues with my shoulder. Yesterday and today were for the most part fairly unbearable. I guess it has been a combination of the traveling, all the sitting and the table tilt test. And maybe, the fact that I didn’t sleep well last night. Regardless, not gambling will be a life long, I shouldn’t say struggle because it doesn’t have to be but, it will be something that I do have to be diligent about. Cheers to another day! One day at a time!
June 21, 2017 at 8:24 pm #4902
June 21st, 28 days! One day at a time! Lately I have been a little selfish. ever since I have come back from my vacation i have not been posting on any of the topics. i have just been really wiped out. I need a few more days to get with it. I am not sad or depressed or feeling the need to gamble I just have so much on my plate right now, it is hard to deal with others. I know that sounds mean. But, I just don’t have anything to give right now that would be useful to help anyone. I have been talking to a person I befriended on this sight. I have been helping her through some stuff. We keep in contact! I journal on several different things and a couple of different sights, I just can’t handle any more right now. I have to step away for a bit. i have a habit of jumping in with two feet all of the time and wanting to do everything I possibly can until I am so worn out that I make myself sick. That is what I am starting do to again. I am learning to control myself and not do that anymore. I need to slow down and pace myself. That is how I keep getting in trouble and repeating the same cycle. Update on my son, he is not buying hardly any scratchers. And very few quick picks. Now he is into fantasy baseball and video game slots. I keep trying to tell him that it is still gambling. he doesn’t see it that way. Hopefully, one day he will. He is his own boss. he is not my responsibility anymore. Peace be with him and in his heart to make the right decisions.
June 20, 2017 at 8:44 pm #4899
June 20th, Day 27 of no gambling! Ken, I have heard that before. I do agree to that statement. I feel good, no urges! One thing I do miss about not going to meetings is the fellowship. I hate being in my head all alone and two, the progress chips. I had a really hard day today with an appointment. My doctor is trying to find out why my blood pressure keep dropping when I stand up and why I keep getting dizzy so much. Not a fun test today! It didn’t trigger anything though which is good. I didn’t feel the need to go out and be reckless. Also, my sons graduation this past weekend didn’t give me the urge to go out and celebrate. I was in California which is where my obsession with gambling began. I thought it would be hard for me to be there. Honestly, I had a tiny flicker in my mind when I was standing at the counter at a gas station. my husband was with me and that helped. I can’t drive right now because of my current health problems. I know that it the future I will not have the safety net and I will have to be out there on my own. I have done it before and I can do it again. I will reconsider the meetings. It will have to be at the end of Summer though. I will continue to make healthy choices. One day at a time
June 19, 2017 at 9:14 pm #4896
June 19th, 26 days! Oh yeah! Not much to say still kind of beat from the trip. I will leave the post with this. I hope I remember to follow my own advise. Step 7: Humbly ask God( of our understanding) to remove
our short comings
June 20, 2017 at 9:28 am #4897
Congrats ((( Butterflygirl )))
Keep it up One Day At A Time.
As for foregoing meetings will share something as food for thought.
” Them that don’t go to meetings don’t get to see / hear what happens to them that don’t go to meetings. ”
Ken L YBIR
June 19, 2017 at 10:28 am #4892
June 19th, I will start the journal this morning and finish this evening! I haven’t been posting because I was on a mini vacation to California to see my son graduate high school. But, don’t worry I am still sober. I was even in the Las Vegas airport for 2 hours yesterday. Slots aren’t my thing though! On June 13th, it had been 20 days, so I guess this makes it 25 days going into the 26th. Almost a month now. I cannot say that I am cured. I am having an easier time with it though. For now, I will continue to monitor my progress on here and reading my daily reflections and talk to others about my gambling and follow the 12 steps. Due to other commitments I feel are a positive and healthy way to heal I have decided altogether to forego meetings.
June 13, 2017 at 7:38 pm #4858
June 13th, I am a little early for this post. It won’t officially be day number 20 for 45 more minutes. I am going to count it anyway. I have to go to bed early. Have to up around 3:30 to get to the airport to catch a plane headed to California. My son is graduating High School this coming Friday! And beside I am positive that I won’t be going out to buy lotto and the next 41 minutes. I have craving to, I am going to walk my dogs with my husband and I can’t drive because of my hurt shoulder and because I have been getting dizzy so my doctor doesn’t want me to drive on my own. So I think I am pretty safe. Well, good night all. Next time I post I will be in a different state and time zone. So will be posting a 5:15 p.m. Wish me luck!
June 12, 2017 at 9:10 pm #4849
June 12th, 19 days since the last time I gambled! I don’t know what to say. I am just over it. All of it! I have no desire at all to look at it, think about it, fantasize about it. nothing at all! I don’t eve pay attention to the machines when I walk by. Before I got bored, quit and wanted to change my life, couldn’t walk by without tripping over myself to put some money in to get some tickets to see if I would win the big prize. No I could care less. I am not cured by any means. i just don’t care about it anymore. I am sure one day I will have a set back or a craving and when that day comes I hope I am strong enough. For now I am okay. I am slowly working the steps. Something I didn’t do when I was attending the meetings. I recently did step 5. That one was a hard one. I told me niece Angeline. She is the first person besides other gamblers, my husband, therapist and my sons that know about my problem. No other family or friends know. After 12 years I have never told any other person. She was very understanding and we talked about it afterward. We are close and I we have always been able to share things with each other. Anyway, Step 6, Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed. I am ready! One day at a time!
June 11, 2017 at 8:28 pm #4809
June 11th, 18 days! I am doing good! That is all I feel like writing for today!
June 10, 2017 at 8:47 pm #4804
June 10th, 17 DAYS! When I start with the number of days that I am gambling free it sounds like I am keeping a journal about being ship wrecked on an island waiting for someone to rescue me. Lol! Anyway, went buy lotto machines today. Couldn’t even look at them. not because if I do I will want to gamble. Nope, Because it now makes me sick thinking about all the money I have wasted over the years. I probably have spent enough money to maybe have bought a new car or put money away for my son’s college instead of having to worry about it a month before he goes, or a maybe a down payment on a house. I have no desire to gamble. Stopping this time was different than the previous times. The times before I went to meetings and tried to stop because it was wrong and I wanted to not let my family down. It was the right thing to do. Thinking about it now. I wasn’t actually doing it for me. 17 days ago I just had it. I stopped for me. I was bored with it and I wanted to become a better person, spiritually, mentally and physically. Gambling was holding me back. Chaining me to a cage and it kept me from the freedom that I had been working so hard for. Now I am free!
June 9, 2017 at 9:35 pm #4800
June 9th, 16 days with no gambling! I am going strong, praise God! I can’t do it without his love and guidance and without the love and support of my family. I took a step out of my comfort zone and followed step 5 last night. I told another of my wrong doings. I have never told anyone else except my husband, my kids and my therapist. I have to tell my therapist in order to move past it and heal. I love my husband and kids. But, they don’t really count. So I choose to tell my niece Angeline. She is always supportive of everyone. she loves you no matter what and she understands. She was very kind and understanding about it and we had a good talk afterward. It was nice to finally tell someone about it. In the 12 years that I have been gambling none of my family and friends have never known about my disease. On another happy note, Harriet was approved for disability today. What a great and positive day for her. God is good! She needed to see that he was carrying her and loving her from a far when she needed him he was there. Hopefully this will be a new start for her, a new beginning and she can get the help she needs. Well, that is all for now! peace and love!
June 8, 2017 at 9:06 pm #4770
June 8th 15 days! Half way to one month. I know we are supposed to take our progress one day at a time. Something I learned at my G.A. Meetings. but, it feels nice to celebrate the little bit of control that you are gaining back of your life. Last night I have to admit I did a dumb thing. I have been chatting with a very nice lady I met in here. And we have become friends. I now speak with her on Facebook and we usually talk through messenger. Well, last night she mentioned something that made me think of something G.A. related so I said just like G.A. I completely forgot that we were not on messenger. I was so used to talking to her there. A total brain melt down. I felt so bad, I couldn’t apologize enough to her. She caught it quick and deleted the comment. I have to by more careful.She informed me that no one in her life really knows she has a gambling problem excepts the people in here, me and her therapist. And the same with me. Know one really knows except Adrian, the kids, Harriet, my therapist and anybody I would tell in G.A. I want to tell one person. I think I am going to tell Angeline. She is the one person I can tell anything to and she won’t judge me. She will listen and not tell anybody. Well, gotta go I will write more tomorrow!
June 7, 2017 at 9:07 pm #4729
June 7th Ha! 14 days, NO GAMBLING!!! That is all I have to say about that. I have stuff to do. Peace out!
June 6, 2017 at 9:09 pm #4713
June 6th, 13 days of now gambling! I know it is one day at a time. But, it feels like it has been forever. It is a great feeling. The compulsion was the last thing on my list to check off on my wellness list. Both mental and physical! Now, I had to go and hurt my shoulder. I am not going to let this mess me up with my mental status or my weight loss goals. It doesn’t affect my not wanting to gamble at all. and I can still eat right and do all the walking I want. My therapist told me today though, no hiking, flat trails only. my husband and I went to the Museum of Art park again. There is a pretty flat trail that goes all the way around the lake. That takes about 45 minutes. I can still walk around as much of Eagle Creek as I want on the bike trail. And the green and orange trails are flat. As well as the back side of the lake. I can also walk the neighborhood. I am for sure going to my meeting tomorrow. Got it all penciled in on my calendar for 7 p.m. My husband will have to drive me though. I still don’t feel comfortable driving. If physical therapy goes well, then maybe in a couple of weeks. Well, that is all for now.
June 5, 2017 at 9:30 pm #4705
June 5th 12 days of no gambling! I still love the quitting process diary. One complaint though, most online journal diaries you can click a button on the top of journal box to start an entry. Not have to scroll all the way down to start a new entry that will be at the top of the page. Web designer flaw! My husband will hear about this. Just kidding! He is a programmer though and at one time designed websites. Anyway, day 12! YEAH! No urges to gamble. I had to give Bryan a talking to this morning and tell him that I do not like when he buy quick picks and lottery tickets in front of me. He doesn’t buy many any more and that is good. he has cut way back. I hope he uses common sense in Las Vegas. Anyway, going to bed soon! Goodnight!
June 4, 2017 at 9:26 pm #4649
June 4th, 11 days of no gambling! Yeah! Not going to write much. I am kind of tired. No urges at all. I don’t even miss it one bit. I am glad I came to my senses and wanted to stop on my own. I just was spending too much money, tired of lying and didn’t want to do it anymore. I really want to help others! I hope I get to do that. Peace and love!
June 3, 2017 at 8:54 pm #4644
June 3rd, 10 days of no gambling! Yeah! I wish I could be more excited about my accomplishment. I feel good for myself, yes! However, I just feel like this place is a ghost town. I keep missing people to chat with. I keep looking at the posts and most of the posts are from weeks and months ago. Maybe I am looking in the wrong spots. I will try again tomorrow. I am kind of tired right now! Had a long day and I am in a lot of pain with my shoulder. I am not wanting to gamble and that is a good thing. I have been talking to someone from this sight though. I have been listening to her for a few days. just being there for her. She is a little depressed. Just trying to be a friend. We were talking in here and now we are talking on Facebook. After a few days and learning some things about her and trying not to judge and keeping an open mind I feel like I might be entering a toxic relationship with her and I don’t need that right now. I am a good listener and I love to help people. People always seem to find me and unload there feelings, problems and worries off on me. It has been this way since I was a kid. I don’t mind I have gotten use to it and now hat is who I am. After last night though it doesn’t seem like this person really wants the help I have to offer or wants to go out and help herself she just wants to have people give her more money to live off of and maybe gamble that away too. Not sure what to do with this one! Have to pray and think about it. Be back tomorrow!
June 2, 2017 at 9:40 pm #4641
June 2, My 9th day of no gambling! I feel accomplished. I should be excited. This is great! I do know that this is something that I will be working on for the rest of my life. And, I have to prepare for that. I have been trying to get going on some volunteer work with a couple of different places. At my Church, Gleaner’s Food Bank and at Eagle Creek Park helping near the Bird Sanctuary. Church and the Bird Sanctuary will be one day a week and Gleaner’s will be twice a month. Then at the end of the month I will start looking for a job. One that I can work around everything and my meetings. I hope that in maybe 6 months or so if everything goes well I can do something positive with the gambling community. I also have a page on Facebook for Mental Health Awareness that people can post on with Mental Health issues. Other people can respond to them. I sometimes get to talk to them as well and give them some hope based on my own experiences. I just want to make a difference to someone. Just maybe one person and hopefully they will in turn be able to help someone else. Oh yeah! I said I made it 9 days. however, I forgot to say the magic number. At exactly 8:15 p.m. EST I scratched my last ticket 9 days ago. Lol! I have throw that in for good luck! Actually that is probably some form of gambling. Well, no is in not! Is it considered personal gain? I am not making money from it. Hmmm…not sure! Maybe if someone is reading this they can tell me. Anyway, happy dance! I do wish peace in the heart and a joyous journey to who ever is struggling. Please be positive, it may not seem like it now. but, it will get better.
June 2, 2017 at 2:48 pm #4636
June 2, This is my 10th Day on Gamtalk! Half way into my 9th day of no gambling. Feeling good! No urges today. Not even a twinge of wanting to. The only thing is it might be because my son is buying lotto again full force and scratching the tickets in front of me now. That might be why I have no urges because I am watching him do it. The first 5 days he wasn’t doing that. I need to talk to him and tell him that it isn’t helping me with my progress. I wish he would stop altogether. It is breaking my heart. I don’t want him to go down the same I did and have to waste money and not be able to pay bills and start lying about it. I was just telling somebody this. He makes about $1500 a month and his bills including car insurance are about $575 a month. He spends the rest on eating out and lottery. He does work a crazy work schedule. But, he could at least eat one or more meals a day at home. But, he doesn’t When he is home I cook dinner. I am also guilty of this. When he is home during lunch we do go out for lunch. Most often, I end up paying and that takes money away from the bills I have to pay. We should just eat at home. We have food for lunch. We can still go somewhere once a week or every couple of weeks. If he is home in the morning he doesn’t eat breakfast at home he goes and gets food and sometimes he goes and get dinner to. He actually only spends about $4 bucks every time he eats out because he eats McDonald’s he always finds coupons in the trash and stuff at work and uses them at other McDonald’s because that is where he works. So he probably spends at least $650 a month on lottery. We both need to challenge each other and make a budget and stick to it. Also, he no savings and his car is about ready to die and I told him we have no money to help him fix it. I don’t know how he will get back and forth to work. Anyway, this journal is supposed to be about me and all I end up talking about is my son Bryan. I hope to finally make to a meeting this coming Wednesday and then I will have to skip one because I will be in California for Noah’s graduation. I will be with my husband the entire time so there will be no temptation to buy while I am there. The last time I was there I was buying lottery. That was 18 months ago. Time flies and so does the money when you are just blowing it. I want to see if I can find a debt management class. That might be helpful for me and show me some tips on how to manage our money better. I though at this point I would be going through more of a with drawl. I think for me I am just sick of it and it was time to quit and make a change. I am just over it! Well, I will write more later around 8:15. The magic #!
June 1, 2017 at 9:52 pm #4598
June 1, Still day 9 in Gamtalk, I really like to Daily Quitting Progress on this sight. But, not much else going on right now. I talked to Eld last night and that was nice. I thing Eld is Female. I am not going to assume that though. It is almost 10 p.m. and as of 8:15 p.m. EST here in Indy I have officially not gambled for 8 whole days. Yeah me! If there was a fire work emoji to post on the screen I would. It feels nice to have made it this far, Next project, work on not eating out so much Yet, another vice that I need to work on with my son. We get into to much trouble when we are together. This evening we did do something that didn’t cost anything but quality time with each other. We spent and 1 hour and 45 minutes hiking at my favorite park Eagle Creek(I only know 2). There are several different trails that you can hike on. Oh got cut this post short. Gotta talk to someone that needs my help!
June 1, 2017 at 1:37 pm #4595
Day 9 in Gamtalk, well on my way of 8 days without gambling. Sad to report that my started to buy scratchers again. One every other day or so. Not as bad he was. But, is still buying quick picks. I feel bad because I still feel enticed this and if he wins he keeps telling me he will share. Him winning is not even in the odds. If for some insane reason he does and I accept the money does that count? Did I gamble? Can I take the money from him? Is that blood money? Plus, I am afraid that if he wins he will still be out there gambling. He is going to Vegas next week to visit his family and to see his sister graduate. He is very excited about and playing the slots. When he was there last time he wasn’t old enough to gamble. I am worried he will go off the deep end and spend all of his money and not be able to stop and not have any money to pay his bills when he comes home. I guess I can only worry so much. He is his own man. Anyway, I am doing fine! No urges!
May 31, 2017 at 9:27 pm #4582
Day 8 here in Gamtalk, It has been a full 7 days since I have gambled. A whole week! I haven’t done that in so long. I know this isn’t a big deal for so many people but it feel like such a huge deal for me. I didn’t make it to my meeting again tonight. I wanted to go so bad. I had been looking forward to it all week. Writing about it in journal and everything. i looked up the address earlier and called them to make sure the meeting were still being held there. Funny thing, when I called to ask if the Gamblers Anonymous meetings were still being held there. She thought I said “Campers Anonymous”. That is funny! Why would campers need to be in group therapy? Do they have a camping problem? Lol! Sorry, I shouldn’t make fun. That is mean! Off topic, okay the meeting started at 7 p.m. I left my house at 6:33, I should have left around 6:20. i left to late. I wasn’t even close to being half way there and it was almost 6:50. I really messed up. I wouldn’t have made it in time. I could have went and sat to see if they would have let me in at break. But, I got a little anxious and scared. I might need Adrian to go there with me next week for moral support. Just the first time and then I will be fine. Well, that is that! It is time for bed! Happy journey to whoever is reading this. Be positive and strong! Find your inner peace.
May 30, 2017 at 9:19 pm #4563
Day 7, The end of day 7 here on Gamtalk! I made it 6 full days of no gambling. One more day to go and it will be a full week. I know, i know slow down and take it one day at a time. Today was good! No urges at all. My meeting is getting closer! Lets just hope A: That it is there and B: That I don’y forget go. I have been known to do that. I get to occupied with other things and my mind gets all crazy. I am a space cadet sometimes. A little report on Bryan! He was honest and told me that he did buy a scratcher yesterday. Only one though. That is a huge deal! That is one in about 5 days. He gamble, yes! But, He only bought one. Any other day it would have been $40 or $50 worth and then went back for more if he won. He is getting better. I hope he controls himself when he goes to visit his Dad in Las Vegas. That will be the real test. Oh back to me and enough about Bryan. Like I said I am good. I went to the gas station today and got Adrian another soda and a cup of ice and did good. Tomorrow will be the real test. We will have money again and I will have to watch myself and really focus to make sure I don’t buy. I know I can do it. One day at a time. May my journey be positive. It you are reading this may yours be too.
May 31, 2017 at 2:28 pm #4580
Day 8 on Gamtalk, More than half way through on my 7th day of no gambling. I start my first meeting tonight. Getting somewhat nervous. Nothing like first night jitters! I have problems with anxiety and it is really high right now even though it is still a few hours away. My husband got paid today and I went to one of the places where I would normally buy lotto. It is a place that a frequent quite often. The grocery store, so I will have to face that every couple weeks. I know I could do it. I will have to walk by the machine every time I leave the store. the gas stations I really do not have to go to all that much If I don’t want to. My husband can goo buy his own soda and I don’t have to get gas that much. Only every week or so. There is really no other reason I need to be going anyway. Since I do not buy chocolate or chocolate milk anymore, why bother! I also used to go to the Walmart Market a couple of miles down the street if I needed something extra for dinner since it was closer than our grocery store. It was also easy to buy lotto there. I know there will challenges along the way. I also know that along with my family to support me God will be there right along with me loving me and guiding me through troubling times. Until next time! Hopefully when I write again it will be a full 7 days and I will be back from my meeting have met wonderful people. Have a positive recovery journey!
May 30, 2017 at 10:42 am #4548
Day 7, 7 days here at Gamtalk! On my way to 6 days with no gambling. Went to a gas station and I had lotto staring me down this morning. I went to get a soda for my husband. I did good! The only really urge I had was that i was still hungry from not eating a lot of breakfast and I was eyeing the unhealthy pastries. I got the soda and left. when I got home I got a tomato instead. Tomorrow night is my meeting. So excited! I am very happy that I am saving so much money. That when i do my budget that it will be able to stay closer to the target spending instead of a couple of hundred from buying lotto. Well, peace till later!
May 29, 2017 at 8:30 pm #4542
Day 6, Here in Gamtalk for 6 whole days and it has been 5 full days since I have gambled. i am feeling good. I went through my computer files and figured out a way to delete my lotto budgets and one of newer budgets for 2017 that has gotten out of hand I am also happy to report on the progress of Bryan. Other than a couple of quick picks he bought earlier last week, he hasn’t purchased any other lotto either. I am so proud of him for trying. Even if he is doing it for me. I want him to do it for himself. at least this is a start. hopefully he will be off in time to be able to go to Wednesday’s meeting with me. It is in a little popular sub-town called broad ripple. My husband hates going anywhere near there, I really enjoy it. It has a few shops that I like. They have a movie exchange store where you can get dvd’s for cheap and also a dog bakery a little ways down the street. A fun little strip mall area. Anyway, doing much better than I was a week or so ago. I feel like a ton of bricks has been taken of my back and I can breath again. NO more hiding! Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.
May 29, 2017 at 12:51 pm #4540
Day 6, Well on my way of 5 full days of no gambling. Feeling great! My meeting is only 2 days away. So excited, for new beginnings, new people and to live my life without the chains of guilt wrapped around me. I have been doing well today. No thoughts or urges of any kind and that is great. Well, not really much to say today. I went for a nice walk today with my husband and my dogs. We walked for about an hour or so. They are pooped puppies! I will be back later! Happy Journey to all.
May 28, 2017 at 6:10 pm #4533
Day 5, 4 full Days of no gambling! My son and I went out earlier and I went into to the gas station and I wasn’t even tempted. I actually didn’t even notice the lotto. To be honest, I was hungry for lunch and I was eyeing the egg salad sandwich in the cold case by the front counter. I guess as far as my first temptation goes that doesn’t really count now does it? Haha! it also makes it so much easier when you are limited are limited on funds while waiting on your husband’s paycheck to arrive. That might be cheating too. But, progress is progress! I haven’t done any of that obsessive budgeting in about three days either My husband did slip today in front of me and say when we win the lottery. I should come to terms with the fact that he can say whatever he wants and that he doesn’t have to walk on egg shells(see what I did there, egg salad sandwich, egg shells, hehe)around me. It is my problem, not his. Anyway, God is good and I am thankful that he is leading me down this path of sobriety. Until tomorrow!
May 28, 2017 at 10:20 am #4518
Day 5, Going into Day 4 of no gambling! doing rather well. Although I haven’t been really anywhere where there is temptation yet. That will be the real challenge. I have seen a couple of signs while driving. I saw one this morning on the way to church and it kind of made my stomach feel weird. Like my breath was taken away for just a second. Happy to report that my son is also doing good. I know that this is not his progress journal but, it makes me happy to share about him as well, This site has been very helpful. I never thought to find anything like this before and as it turns out to take my mind of gambling even more I have started journaling in regards to other aspects of my life that I am dealing with in a positive manner. I am also trying to help others as well. Anyway, this will be one of my first tests. Going out with my son here in a few minutes. We are going to get Starbucks! Haven’t really gone out together since I decided to quit gambling. Wish us good vibes and the the peace of the Lord be with us. May your journey be fill with peace and love!
May 27, 2017 at 10:00 pm #4503
Still Day 4, Doing good! It has been officially 3 days and no lotto. My son has not bought any either. I even turned down 2 trips in the car the past couple of days with him to go out. I know his intentions were good it is still a habit that needs breaking(oh great, another habit). So easy to just get in the car and go somewhere tempting. Only 4 more days, well a little more than 4 days until my meeting. This time before I go I am going to call just to make sure the meeting will be held in the right place. Oh well, no harm no foul! I have even stepped away from the budget, I really want to go at it though. Maybe tomorrow. Lol! We will see. Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this power of our own understanding.
May 27, 2017 at 10:46 am #4488
Day 4, Woke up feeling positive! I don’t really want to buy lotto. However I still have the thoughts of It would nice to win at least 1 million dollars to pay all my bills, buy my house and put my kid through school. That type of thing. Those are the stressors that face me. They are just normal everyday worries. None of them are gambling debts. I have no gambling debts. I think I am behind on two bills because of buying lotto this month. I can easily fix that. I am not happy with myself for falling back into gambling. I feel God was watching over me and guiding me(not as far as what ticket to buy to win) but to keep me safe and my heart in check by not going over board and letting my conscience check in and being brave enough before it was too late and telling my husband what was going on and deciding to go back to meetings. I am so blessed and thankful for the good Lord’s intervention in my life. Something about me: I cannot handle stress. I know welcome to the adult world and living right! Well, it really affects me and causes me some mental anguish(I am dealing with this and I am doing better. I am ready to go back to work next month) and I also have a lot of anxiety and when it comes to numbers maybe some OCD and compulsiveness. Well, to calm me down, especially in the evening I like doing the monthly budget! This is usually not an issue for most. I take it to the extreme! I will do it over and over. Changing the numbers and re-working them accounting for every penny till I have perfection. Okay, this is where my first statement in the begging of the post comes into play. I said I wish I had a million dollars to pay my bills. I will also sit for hours and do an imaginary budget with fake money. A what if budget going out sometimes 3 or 4 years. It is crazy! It has to stop! It is such a habit and It has almost become a compulsive habit just like gambling. It will be a tough one for me to break. So far it has been 2 days since I have done that. I have worked on the normal budget(Still abnormally). Another thing that goes along with that, my husband and I always talk about fixing our house up when we buy it and since we don’t have a big budget we talk about using magic money. That is a bad habit too! What is a girl to do? Another day, another dollar not spent on lotto! 🙂 Something like 59 hours and counting!
May 26, 2017 at 8:24 pm #4469
Hi ((( Buterflygi )))
I am a recovering CG from Ontario Canada.
Glad you have found Gamtalk and hope you
keep coming back. Just wanted to share some
info that may help you with the urges as you
go forward in your recovery. Hope to catch
up with you in chat one day.
Ken L YBIR
Many compulsive gamblers, especially those in early stages of recovery, experience urges to gamble. Repetition of the gambling behavior over a relatively long period of time, combined with thoughts of gambling and associated pleasurable feelings, causes the compulsive gambler to experience cravings. Sometimes these urges to bet are so intense and overpowering that they cause the gambler to relapse.
Suggestions to Prevent Urges From Occurring
Attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings as often as needed, but at least once a week.
Become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Take a Trusted Servant position.
Telephone other GA members on a regular basis.
Read and re-read the Gamblers Anonymous Combo Book. Many GA members have said, “Everything I need to stay away from a bet is right here in this little yellow book.”
Ask another Gamblers Anonymous member to be your sponsor.
Read and LIVE the Gamblers Anonymous Steps of Recovery. At first, it is OK to have a healthy skepticism about working the Steps. However, thousands of GA members have reported that the more they become involved in the Steps of Recovery, the less likely they are to gamble. It is suggested that you ask another GA member – preferably your sponsor – to help guide you through the Steps.
Don’t go in or near establishments where gambling is available, including web sites on the Internet. Shop in stores or supermarkets that are gambling-free or where gambling is out of sight.
Don’t look at anything that will remind you of gambling – for example, the sports or stock market sections of the newspaper, lottery tickets, racing programs, or advertisements for casinos or other forms of gambling.
Don’t associate with people who gamble. (This may mean curtailing relationships with friends or relatives.)
Avoid getting caught up in conversations about gambling.
Carry only the bare minimum amount of money that you need for the day. If possible, have your paycheck direct-deposited or put someone you trust in charge of your finances. Destroy your credit, debit, and ATM cards – anything that will put a barrier between you and excess cash.
Establish an anniversary date – that is, your first Gamblers Anonymous meeting after your last bet. Many GA members gain a healthy inner confidence from knowing that they have acquired the habit of not wagering over time.
Change your attitude. There is a world of difference in the statements “I have to stop gambling” and “I want to stop gambling.” Think about it. If you have to do anything, then you probably won’t want to.
Change your behavior. This is one of the most difficult tasks in all of human endeavors, let alone in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. However, it states in the yellow combo book that it is necessary for a compulsive gambler to bring about a character change in order to prevent a relapse. GA members have reported that character defects such as anger, impatience, laziness, self-ptiy, etc., have led them back to gambling. Replacing negative habits with healthy ones is vital for maintaining abstinence.
Consider getting your body into better physical condition. It has been said, “Bring the body and the mind will follow.” If compulsive gambling is a sickness of the mind, then it makes sense for a compulsive gambler to be in relatively good physical condition. Remember the saying: “Healthy body, healthy mind.”
Suggestions for When You Have an Urge to Gamble
First acknowledge the urge. Become acutely aware of it – how you feel and what is going on in your mind. Then say to yourself, “Oh, OK. I am now having an urge to gamble. Right now I want to gamble. Say to yourself “TOO BAD… I DON’T GAMBLE ANYMORE!”
OK. So your urge to gamble is very strong. Again, acknowledge the urge and become aware of what is happening and say to yourself, “OK, maybe I’ll gamble in 10 minutes.” Wait 10 minutes. If the urge is still there, say to yourself, “OK, maybe I’ll gamble in another 10 minutes.” Then find something else to do for 10 minutes. If the urge persists, keep putting off gambling for 10-minutes stretches. Keep doing this. The urge to gamble will pass.
Make believe your mind is a slide projector and the thoughts that enter your brain are slides. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes and CHANGE THE SLIDE! Refuse to entertain thoughts about gambling. Think about a family member, a loved one, your job, a pleasant activity – anything but gambling. You can do it if you quiet your mind and concentrate.
Accept the fact that you cannot gamble safely. This may seem painfully obvious, but many GA members have reported relapsing after having debated mentally with themselves on this point. Among some of the common inner arguments: “It’ll be different this time,” “I’m not that bad yet,” “I’ll quit once I get even,” and “I’m due.” Acceptance is one of the key components of the GA program.
Say the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Repeat the prayer until the urge dissipates. A quieting of the mind will quiet the urge to gamble.
Work Recovery Steps Two and Three. Envision yourself giving the urge to gamble to a Higher Power. Many GA members live by saying, “Let go and let God.”
Go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting regardless of the way you feel.
Go to a quiet place and meditate. One simple method might be to close your eyes and stare out into space, visualizing the urge as a concrete object (it doesn’t matter what it is). Concentrate on it for several minutes. As you hold the object in you mind, visualize it breaking up into tiny pieces. Your urge to gamble will disintegrate with it.
Telephone someone you trust. Tell him or her about your urge to gamble. Leaving cash, checks, and credit cards behind, go and meet with someone.
Stop dwelling on the urge, start a new activity such as reading a book.
Get outside of yourself. Go and help someone else.
Think the bet all the way through and weigh the consequences. Most of us don’t consider the possibility that if we gamble, we might lose. Consider the possibility that you will lose. Think of all the other times you have lost.
All forms of gambling are losing propositions. You will probably lose again. Will losing this money – in addition to money already lost and problems you already have – really make you feel better? And if you were to win, what would happen to the money? What has happened to all the money from past winnings? Where is it? What is the cause of your current financial situation? Isn’t it gambling that has put you into this predicament? Can’t you see yourself betting away any winnings – PLUS MORE? Isn’t it true that with a win you might pay off a few bills, yet set aside some cash for MORE GAMBLING? Isn’t it true that any winnings would be used as ammunition to keep waging the war of gambling?
Write about the pros and cons of gambling in your life. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left side, list all the good things that gambling has given you. On the right side, list all the bad things that have happened to you as a result of your gambling. Be through and honest. (Note: You may want to rate each item from 1 – 10 in terms of importance, with 10 being the most important and 1 being the least. When you’re through, total up each column and compare the score.) Once the list is complete, use this tool as a reminder of the effects of gambling in your life. Make a decision about how you will spend your free time instead of gambling.
Make a decision that you won’t gamble JUST FOR TODAY!
Again, these are all merely suggestions.
Why not figure out the ones that will work best for you?
May 26, 2017 at 8:51 pm #4470
Thank you for the suggestions Ken. Most of these have been very helpful to me in the past. The first time I went through the program I was committed for over a year and tried to step up as secretary of my meeting. I had some other issues going on and found it all to stressful and had to resign. I also never got very far with a decent sponsor the first time around. She was very nice. However, I think she was too busy and had struggles of her own to contend with. I am attending my first meeting in Indiana this coming Wednesday. I am looking forward to it. Thank you again for welcoming me! Monique
May 26, 2017 at 6:04 pm #4467
Day 3, This urge has subsided some! Not as bad as yesterday and getting better than this morning. It has been 48 hours since I bought lotto. Wednesday seems like a long ways off. I know I can do it! My son and I went out today and we didn’t make our usual rounds to 3 or 4 different lotto retailers. He took me to Michael’s so I could use my gift card he got me for my birthday and he also bought me Starbucks. I really didn’t need a decaf coffee drink. That was nice of him though. I am proud of Bryan. he didn’t buy scratchers today. He did buy a couple of quick picks. No scratchers is a start! Almost time to make dinner. Peace!
May 26, 2017 at 8:19 am #4464
Day 3, So I went to the meeting sight last night! my son drove me and has his reservations and struggled off and on with staying for the meeting the entire trip. He finally made the decision to stay. We follow the directions to a T. We get there and nothing! The side of street that it is supposed to be is completely covered with trees. We drive down the street until we hit construction and a dead end. We turn around and go back. As we are driving back toward the main street we are checking house numbers on the opposite side of the street thinking that maybe the meeting might be in a house. None of the houses have that address. We stop at a near by gas station for gas. I double check my directions, call my husbands for directions and check map quest myself. They all say the same thing. Just to be sure my son and I re-visit the street one more time carefully looking up and down both sides to make sure be didn’t miss anything. This time I looked at the driveways to make sure there was not a lot of cars in any given driveway indicating that their might be something going on and we even used the reference streets. The in between here and here streets. And nothing! I tried! I was stressed about it and sad because I was so ready to go. I didn’t gamble though and it had been about 36 hours. YEAH! My husband did some research and found a meeting about 6 miles closer on a Wednesday same time, at 7. It is an open meeting which I like better. You can have more moral support from your family and friends if they want to come and sit in during a meeting. also, my son can come once in awhile to start with and not feel like he is being pressured into it. It might make him feel like I am not attacking him as much. Man, quitting gambling is like trying to quit cigarettes. It is harder! I smoked when I was younger. Not a lot. I gave that up! I even smoked pot! That I do stand with legalizing because some people I think would benefit from it. That is a whole other topic though. But, anyway I stopped pot! I stopped caffeine after being addicted to that for years and years. 3 sometimes 4 big sodas a day. I kicked that habit in 2 months. I kicked my bad habit of chocolate and almost all sugars. Fried foods and many other bad habits. Why oh why is this so hard? I feel that this is a disease. I do not drink or do drugs! I saw and heard about what did to my Dad’s side of the family and I chose not to go down that path. Gambling though! I guess addictive personalities run in the family. Hoping today is a good one! Praying for a positive day.
May 25, 2017 at 5:56 pm #4461
Day 2, Still Day 2! Why does today feel like the longest day ever? My son is home from work. He got home a little late so dinner was already in progress. He didn’t ask to go anywhere and he told me that he didn’t buy any lotto today. I believe him! Good for him. 6 p.m. is slowly approaching and then at 6:15 we will be leaving for the meeting. I asked my son to take me. It took a little talking to but he agreed to stay for the meeting as well. I hope this flips a switch for both of us and helps shed some light and gets us back on track. I think of the money we have been spending and how much we will save. All of the above mention expenses will be easier to afford if my gambling stops. With several pushes from what I think was God. I broke down and told my husband about what has been going on. he was very concerned of course and also disappointed. To say the least he didn’t like the fact the I had been lying to him. I had mentioned in an earlier post that I had done this before. I didn’t like doing this either. It made me feel sick inside. Hollow and empty! Well, almost time! Step 2:We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living. See you on the flip side! Oh by the way! 1 day no lotto!
May 25, 2017 at 12:28 pm #4459
Day 2, Feeling a little anxious today! Wanting to go buy lotto. Thankfully I cannot drive right now. I injured my shoulder a couple of times the last few weeks and I am limited as to what I can do until I see my doctor. I usually only go buy lotto with my son and he won’t home from work until 4 p.m. I just have to use my will power until my meeting at 7. I will start dinner early around 5 p.m. so that is something to take my mind off of leaving the house. That is a plus! Right now, all I can think about is wanting to go out and buy some scratchers to see if I can win anything to help me out with money over the next couple of months. I have some big expenses coming up. I am going to be looking for a job in June. I hope that helps some. Wish me luck!
May 24, 2017 at 8:14 pm #4452
Day 1, I bought lotto today! This is my first day posting on this sight. I did post my story yesterday online. I am going to attend my first G.A. Meeting since I have been in Indy tomorrow. I am a little scared. There is always that initial fear of judgement. I know everybody starts out in the same boat no matter what form of gambling they start with. In the end, we are all there for the same reason. to quit!!Keep me in your prayers! I am not sure if I am allowed to ask that in here. Sorry if that offends anyone. I will let you know how it goes. Step 1:We admitted we were powerless over gambling-that our lives ad become unmanageable.
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